Ha. Some days I think it’s going to crumble to pieces actually but it’s remembering the foundation it was built upon.
My mother has never been a homeowner but she always said if she bought a house she’d want an old-fashioned one – built in the early 1900’s with a big wooden wrap around porch that gave off that homely Southern feel. As an HGTV aficionado, I’ve grown to love those same homes hoping to buy one in the near future for my boys to grow up in.
Before my lease expired late last year, I looked into new places to live in my neighborhood. I fell in love with one particular place, an apartment in a newly built complex. I’ll admit, I’m a woman who makes a lot decisions with her eyes instead of using better judgement about the quality (clothes and shoes always get the best of me) and I remember something that my mother said about homes that prevented me from moving into this said space:
The newer style homes aren’t built on the same foundation as the older models. The workers rush to get them up and you’ll find your ass without a roof over your head when a storm comes. The structure aren’t like traditional homes and the insulation sucks. Sure it looks good on the outside, but the quality inside isn’t up to par.
Metaphors about life from your momma.
Moms was talking about places to lay your head but her words are pretty similar to relationships and places we chose to lie our hearts. I call them EZ Pass relationships; you know them – as quick as you get in them is as quick as you get out of them. How many of us jump into something because it looks and feels good right then and there? I read something from The Happiness Project that stuck and I found to be true; how many of us then find ourselves in a state of long-lasting unhappiness because of a quick fix of happiness?
I can’t tell you how many women I know that fall in love with the “arm candy” but later complain about the character and quality of the man. Sure we all want someone who can compliment us in the looks department but the older I get, I see more people putting emphasis on that than on substance. No one puts the time in anymore. No one wants to pay their dues but somehow wants there to be personal benefits to being in a relationship. Where is the work and the effort into getting to know someone, building something that’ll last? We idolize our grandparents’ relationship, wondering how they made it 50+ years without ending up on Snapped and in Sing Sing. We’ll sit with our girlfriends and discuss how much we yearn for a relationship that’ll last like theirs but we’re a newer generation that prefers newer methods of dating similar to these newer model homes.
I never wanted “cute and fast to build”; you can keep that quick shit. I wanted to build something that would take time with a few kinks and repairs to fix here and there. I don’t know who the hell I was and what the hell I was thinking, thinking some of those “perfect” high school flings would last forever when I made decisions with my eyes instead of my head. Shit, I said it before, but making choices with my heart instead of my head screwed me over too.
In addition to the quote from The Happiness Project, something else that stuck with me was a line I found about the disadvantages of new homes (although I was looking at an apartment, whatever):
New houses settle. Settling causes cracks in foundations, walls and door frames.
Child, bye. Where’s the collection plate?
Stop accepting less than what you should. Quit running head first into things instead weighing all of your options – and either ‘head’ works here, FYI. Nothing good is going to come from the fun and thrill of falling into lust with the coworker who gave you two minutes of play and gassed your head into oblivion.
The life of a home is dependent on the quality of construction. The life span of your relationship is dependent on the quality of the builders. Take your time. Stop settling.