The women that incessantly blow up our phones with stories of a relationship going down the drain, the date that could’ve actually passed as a prank, or the guy that friend-zoned them when their emotions and the throbbing feeling in their vaginas told them otherwise – we all know them. They’re our best friends and we’re the advice gurus. Ninety percent of my friends turn to me when they need help and can’t decide if it’s time to execute Plan B or carry on with Plan A. I’m the girlfriend who keeps her phone on when she goes to bed in the event Bestie #1 has an emotional emergency over her boyfriend or if my homegirl from around the way needs to vent at 1a.m.
Being available to my friends’ needs has never been an issue to me; I actually take pride in being that friend that’s “always there”, but lately, I’ve become slightly irritated at the two-hour phone calls and the back-and-forth text messages that lead me to believe I’m going to end up with arthritis, with the women who do exactly what I said not to do. I have never understood the point in coming to someone for help if you were going to do what you wanted to anyway.
Ahh, the good ol’ adage, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Do I sound like a parent?
I remember all of the advice my mother dished out about boys and school and doing the total opposite. I heard her but playing with fire sounded better. I wouldn’t dare come home with news to my mother I was pregnant but that didn’t stop me from having sex as an adolescent. I knew the importance of getting good grades but there was an indescribable thrill in cutting school to chill with the girls. I found fun in danger and doing what I wasn’t supposed to, excited me – until the report card came in the mail. Until pinky promises and hearts got broken. Until laments outweighed laughter.
Why do we partake in the very things we know aren’t good for us and complain about the results later? Warning labels with side effects are present and in clear view for us to see, yet we consume and indulge in people, situations, energies, anyway.
It may not be right away, it may not be today, but see, eventually you’ll learn what it is your mother, grandmother, girlfriend told you all along. When we fall, no one will be there to hold our hand to hit the ground with us. When the pie hits our faces, the people we see when we look up are the people who reminded us, prevention is better than the cure. But ‘tis life; we have to learn on our own.
I’m not writing this to say to you (or my girlfriends reading), stop bombarding and badgering your best friends with questions and/or advice but I am writing this to tell you to live your life how you see fit. Do what works for you. How I kept my man may be how you lose yours. How I maintain my household may be what creates chaos within yours. You can receive all the advice you can get from people and pamphlets but if the plan is for you to leave that relationship, that job, that city, there’s nothing that you do that can save you from that.
You’re going to do what you want to do regardless of what your friend tells you but more importantly, you’re going to do what’s destined to happen to you anyway. I’m a good friend but not an advice guru. That’s God’s title.