(Originally published on my Facebook account on the 9th of January)
“Sometimes, home has a heartbeat.”
We made it to a week. Without any pacifiers or baby formula–my go-to’s I relied on as a mother when I had Kae and Kam. But I didn’t know how much I needed the heart until Kai.
They say having a child is to know what’s it like to have your heart live outside of your body. That your child is the only living being on this planet to hear your heartbeat from within. For Kairie, the sound of me and Robert’s heart have been the catalyst in getting longer naps in. For getting sleep, period. The left side of her father’s chest is, hands down, her favorite place besides breasts. She smiles more when she’s placed over it. She lets out these silent giggles that let us know her heart is just as content as ours. Skin-to-skin has taken on a new meaning for me as an exclusively breastfeeding Mommy and for Rob who has exposed a different side of himself as a Dad to a daughter.
The heart: the meaning of what it is to be a parent becomes surreal when you hear your child’s beat through use of a fetal Doppler at 12 weeks pregnant. Or see it flutter on an ultrasound machine at 130+ beats per minute. The heart has new significance when you see it lightly thumping through a newborn onesie in the middle of the day or night to ensure your baby is still breathing like a worried Mom every five minutes.
The heart. You depend on it. For the last seven days, I thanked it. Over and over and over…